Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
