:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he fucked my hip out of place.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
