you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i think i just lost a toe
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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