im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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