Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
