you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
