yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
