your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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