i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
