What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
