This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm really busy with my period
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