The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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