bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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