I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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