he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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