he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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