I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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