It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
smell my finger.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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