Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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