STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
