Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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