I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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