East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
