Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
