And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
