Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
