You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
