Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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