I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he puts the penis in happiness.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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