...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
