I will die if light touches me.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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