yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
