i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
