I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
