Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
