My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i've created a new STD.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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