wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
