Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
