why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
