i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
