it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
