I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
