i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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