We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
