he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
