Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
