I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
