Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
