my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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