how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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